It's one thing that's going to change everything.

Okay, so did I mention, WE'RE ADOPTING TWINS! It's huge! So let me tell you my feelings on this, because, to tell you the truth, I haven't had that much time to fully understand these changes ...


So my mom hears about adopting twin girls, lots of heartache and happiness later, it's pretty much final. All of this happened in, no joke, two months. TWO MONTHS to go from only child, to two sisters. It's so hard for me to grasp ... still. When I think about the next year, that's just not something that pops into my head, I think of friends, trips, my birthday, my permit, all those things! Not changing diapers, babysitting, waking up in the middle of the night. It hasn't all hit me, but when it does, I have a feeling it's gonna hit hard.

What I have been thinking about, is my life. Like a selfish human, I've been thinking about how all of this is going to affect me. No more waking up late on Saturdays, or spending the night with a friend anytime I want to, or trips, nothing that requires any substantial amount of money. Let me just say, that's going to be hard for me.

I've also been thinking about something a little deeper ... What kind of a sister am I going to be? I mean, I don't have any "practice". I've never had a sister or been a sister. I don't know what to say or do. I feel way out of my element and frankly, it scares me. I know that I am going to love these girls, but before they can ever really understand me or capture what I'm saying to them, I'll be starting my own family. I mean, I'm moving out when they're four! What kind of huge impact on their life can I possibly have if I don't live with them? I want them to be able to come to me with their problems, confide in me, run to me when mom just isn't right. I want to be there, I just don't know how.

I have so much that has been added in my life in the past couple of months, I have barely just figured out how to handle it all. Now, here pops in two babies, and I honestly don't know what to think. I don't know whether to be excited, to be anxious, to want to prepare, I DON'T KNOW. Everyone who sees me now asks me, "How are you feeling about the babies?" and I just want to tell them "I don't know how I'm feeling about them, why don't you tell me how to feel because I'm so lost."

A few other things are ... Where am I going to run now when I need help or advice or just someone. I always go to my mom about stuff but I know she's going to be so busy with two babies and then when she's not, she's going to be sleeping because she's so tired from it all. My dad too, he's going to be working, then coming home with three kids. It's going to be hard. So who's going to look at my report card and say "good job" to all A's and B's? Who's going to come to my football games when it's their bedtime? Who's going to take me to church every wednesday? There's so many more questions. Who am I just going to have to talk to?

And then, I don't want people to talk to me about the babies all the time. I know that I'm going to love talking about them for a while, but hey, does anyone want to know about what's going on with me? I don't want to walk into a room and everyone herds around me to just say "how are the babies?" then when I tell them, they leave because that's all they wanted to know. I want people to not ask about them everytime I'm with them - to just care and want to know about me and my life.

I haven't really shared my feelings about the whole thing because I'm not too sure of them myself. I know that they are truly a blessing and that my whole family will envelope them with love, but how is this going to change my life? I honestly can't answer.

It's already starting to take a frustrating toll on my life. My mother talks about them day and night. She never stops. She even sleeps with one of their blankets to get "connected with them" (my dad and I think she's crazy). But, I would let her go on and on, if she didn't do it when people are talking about me. My grandma came over and commented twice on something about my life, but my mom immediately changed it to the babies. "Your hair is so cute, Amelia." "OH! Mom, come look at the nursery!" and off they went. I have a feeling that's how it's going to be for a while.

So, on a last note, I am excited for these babies. I just realize the reality of it, and it scares me. Pretty much all of it scares me ...

Rockin' to what?!

Ok, so I'm just sitting here listening to the current "cool" music ... I just wonder where it's all gone! The most popular radio stations just play the same new songs over and over until you practically hate them after a week! The cool artists now ... Beyonce, Jesse McCartney, Brittany Spears, etc. just aren't that great. What ever happened to Bon Jovi, Heart, The Carpenters, Beach Boys, etc. etc. etc.?! That was real music.

All people really care about is something you can dance to, but I like the meaning behind the words; the struggle that the artist went through, and overcame, to eventually write the song. I don't like the "techno" feeling of most songs, I like the songs you can relate to, the one's that even if you don't like the song, you still can't turn it off.

I love the old rock tunes, the head-banging songs that the whole crowd gets into. I really loooooooooooovvveeeeee music, REALLY. But, it seems like all of the current music just doesn't float my boat.

It also seems like for the music to be cool, there has to be quite a bit of inappropriate stuff in there. It seems like every song that's on has AT LEAST one cuss word, or sexual reference, if that's just not the whole entire song!

All of this is not to say that I don't like most music, most times, the first time I hear a song, I usually think it's pretty good. I personally just think I should have been a teenager in the '80s because I would have rocked it out! I definately have the hair that could have made me the coolest girl in school; not to mention, I'd probably be at a concert every weekend!

Oh, the joy of being so technologically advanced is so great ... NOT. :)

It's such a divine opportunity ...

So I've been thinking a lot about mission trip lately ... I'm going on a mission trip to Argentina in March, and to tell you the truth, I'm so excited for what God is going to do in my life while I'm there! It's a lot of money and a lot of time to devote, but I know that it will be SOOOOOO worth it. I found out about this trip through my church and I knew I wanted to go from the very beginning. And, I know that God wanted me to go too. The trip was supposed to be last year and only for high schoolers. Well, then, I was in eighth grade, so I wouldn't have been able to go. But, hey! Guess what? It was moved to this spring break of my freshman year! I'm so excited but there is definately a lot of preparing I want to do before this trip. And I'm pretty anxious about a couple of things ...



Number one, I have never been this far out of the country before. I've gotten the chance to go to Mexico and Canada, but that's as far as I've ventured. So, for me to go to the farthest country in South America without my parents will definately be kinda hard. Flying is fine, not scared of that at all. Going to a country that I've never been to that's really far from home, now that makes me a little nervous ...

Number two, I know this sounds very adolescent of me, but food is an issue here! I am one of the pickiest eaters you'll ever met and so going to a foreign country and eating their food, probably won't go over too well. My idea, I'm just going to pack an little bag of my own snacks. When I'm writing this right now I feel selfish and high-maintenance but my stomach most likely won't adjust well there!

And number three, I have to admit, I like my parents a little (note the sarcasm) and I know they're going to be worried about me while I'm gone. I know they'll be fine but I don't want them to worry that I'm not being safe or whatever. My mom's already given me the "Don't go anywhere alone" lecture and "Don't drink the water unless it's bottled!" speech.

But I know that God will take care of all those things! I'm just so excited to have the oppurtunity to do something like this! This is a huge oppurtunity for a little high schooler from Crowley, to get to go to Argentina to minister to people that need to here what I have to say! It's so exciting to think that God has set this up that I would be able to go, because I have a purpose in going. I know that I really need to prepare my heart for it, because this is a huge deal and I want to remember this as a great experience and that I was prepared for and that I grew closer to God than I ever had before. I can't wait! :)

There's still so much time!

BOYS! Holy cow, that's all I've been hearing about lately! Let me start out with my views on boyfriends and what not. . . Well, I feel like there's still ten years before you could even start worrying about guys and who your going to meet, who your going to marry, who's perfect, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I don't believe that you LOVE a guy after two months. I think abstinence is key to a happy relationship(until you get married of course) and I think that there truly is someone that God has made just for you in this world. . .



Going to a public school is hard enough as it is, not to mention the fact that your only "cool" if you have a boyfriend. Girls change guys like they change clothes! And when they first start "going out"that night, they exchange "I love you's" and "I can't live without you's". It's just ridiculous. Honestly. There's people making out in the hall way, holding hands right in front of principals, etc. etc. etc! I've been asked so many times who my boyfriend is, and when I say no one, it's the hugest deal! They say, "WHAT?! You don't have a boyfriend? Why?" Well, what can I say to that? There's just no one that has truly caught my eye.



But I have to say, that sometimes I do get jealous of the girls that seem to have found the dream guy. Like my best friend. She has never had a boyfriend before now, but her first one, is THE ONE. They are such a great couple and they really do favor eachother. Nolan knows everything about Emily and vice versa. Well, little Emily is truly in love and here I am, ecstatic for her! I was literally jumping up and down. But, I can't help but feel a little jealous. I mean, she has prayed about this oppurtunity, as have I, and well, look where she's at! She's got a promise ring, plans, etc. And here I am, just in the "Woah! He's sooooo hot!" stage. I want what she has. And like so many of the girls at my school I sometimes want a guy to make me happy like they're happy. Not to say, that I haven't had any offers, because that's the complete opposite. But, I choose to say no and wait for a guy that I actually might have a chance with. But the bad thing is, is that right after I do it, I regret waiting. Sometimes I just want to say "YES!" just to say I have a boyfriend. The thought of one, is most times so much better than actually having one.



So I guess for now the only thing I can really do is pray about it. I know that God has a great guy in store for me one day, and honestly, I can't wait for that day to come. There's someone out there that is going to be perfect for me, but it's so hard to look ahead to that, when all I can see is here and now. But I know that it's in the making, and I just look to myself and think, there's still so much time!

Feel the winds of change blow...

So, 2009 is here! I can't believe it! This year has definately been one for the record books! My life has been taking twists and turns non stop! Some expected, some surprising. This year started off with me in eighth grade. WOAH! Seems like forever ago! I remember having some trouble with friends, algebra being a killer subject, and really just trying to tread water. Now I flash back to the present-- freshman at a new school, geometry trying to kill me, not so much drama. Life has changed so much for me just in the past year. I feel like I have matured so much. Not only physically and mentally, but spiritually as well.

Let's just go ahead and outline the whole year(important parts only, of course!)

January-May: Eighth grade, wow eighth grade. Taking exams, feeling pressure, the whole nine yards! Then I hear about Talonettes(High School Drill/Dance team). I'm thinking, should I try something new, or stick to Tae Kwon Do, which I had been doing for about 6 years. So, I tried out for Talonettes(no dance experience in my life) and made it! I was so happy. I ended up quitting Tae Kwon Do(with a few tears) and embarking on a new adventure in dancing.

June-August: Bored out of my mind in June, I decided to head up to Alabama to spend time with some family. While I was there, I realized how much I love Texas! Don't get me wrong, I love my family too, but I missed home. July was church month--Camp,Camp, and CAMP. Camp is a huge thing at my church(Reece Prairie Baptist Church) and it's definately something that you have to pray about and start preparing for months in advance. This years camp was, to say the least, AMAZING. My group,that you shared everything and more with, really touched me this year. There were so many stories of bad home lives, things done in the past, etc. That I was so thankful that I have followed God in such a way, that I haven't been led to those sort of things! I was taking all of these stories in, and one that especially broke my heart of one of my friends going through troubles, that one night, I broke down. I have never been so emotional in my life. I believe it was Wednesday night and I was thinking of my group and it all just hit me, after this week at camp, this "sanctuary" persay, these people are going to go home and face the same situations that they were talking about. I wanted to fix it so bad; I wanted to take matters into my own hands because I felt like God wasn't doing enough. I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do to change their situations besides pray. So that's what I did. But, it didn't make me feel any better. I was hurting so much for others that I couldn't worship the way I was supposed to. All I could think about was my group, my friend, their struggles and hurts. All I wanted to do was fix it. But of course, I couldn't. No one can, I've come to realize. Only God can change those people and the situations they face. It still brings tears to my eyes to think about friends that choose to go down the wrong path in life and have to face the consequences. But sure enough, we did come back and they did have to face reality and I know for a fact some went right back to doing the same horrible things. The same horrible things that brought them to their knees at camp, now don't matter to them anymore, and it breaks my heart.

September-December: September through October was a very busy time. It consisted of TALONETTES, TALONETTES, and TALONETTES. When you are on a drill team, that team is your life. And it's taken me a while to get used to that. Every Friday night was consumed with a football game, then every Saturday was consumed with sleeping because you were so tired from the game! It was so hard to come to the fact that this was my LIFE. I like to have my days the way I want them, and that is not how it works with drill team. The whole year you wake up at 5:45 and if your late to practice, well let's just say, your in deep water. There's so much to remember and so much to do. I know all of this sounds like a negative, and that's because at first, that's all it was to me. I didn't see any positive outcomes from this. Then, we had the Christmas party a few weeks ago, and I realize why I do this. . . These girls are my family now. I wake up with them, and we're all in horrible moods, but you start to love the people that your with all the time, and that's exactly what's happened. I have my closest friends in Talonettes, the people that I've just met a few months ago are the people I can trust the most. At that party we had such a good time! We were all laughing and sharing about a million inside jokes and what not! And then at the end of the night we all were in a circle, and we had to say something nice about the person to our right, but that was just it, it wasn't an obligation at all. It wasn't like we were struggling for words. We all love eachother and we all had something to say. The person to my left, who I have gotten the closest to this year, said something very sweet that it brought tears to my eyes and I realized that this is why we all do what we do.

And now, this year is over, and it's time to start a new one. There are many new things to come this year, and I know that it will be one of the best, if I let it. You see, I've realized that life is what you make it. I know it sounds cliche but I reallly believe it's true. If for everything you can only see the negative, if you want to see the positive, you will. Your mind is capable of great things, believe it or not, and one of those things is that it's good at decieving you. Decieving you to make you think your not good enough, to think you can't do better than this, to think that what your doing is not worth your time. But this year, don't give in to those emotions, that frame of mind, because this life is so short in comparison to eternity, so why waste this blink of time being anything but happy?